12.27.2002

plus size my ass!
no, my ass isn't plus size. well, who knows. i haven't measured it in a while, but that's not what this post is about.

i've been browsing online wedding dress designer sites recently and noticed a growing "plus size" selection. that's great... a lot of bridal gowns were designed with the painfully thin models in mind. however, the somewhat recent move towards plus size advertising taking shape right now hasn't been as kind to the concept of "plus size" as people may have intended.

somehow, a bunch of photographers and clothing manufacturers and businesspeople and marketing wizzes sat down together in a room with those glass water dispensers and maybe one of those space-age-looking conference call phones in the middle of the table to discuss how to market this stuff. still thinking they were doing the world a favor by letting un-waify women embrace their bodies and also get clothes that look good, they started trying to get models. perhaps someone even said, "we can't have an ugly fat person in our ads." of course. not all fat people are ugly. not all skinny people aren't ugly. fact of life. instead, they just decided not to get fat people altogether. now, we have these size 8 (EIGHT!) women modelling plus-size clothing. any minimal arm flab they may have is quickly erased on the computer image. and another thing: they aren't just called "models." we don't hear about Emme the model, we hear about Emme the Plus Size Model.

i can't stand it. rather than empowering women of all sizes to feel great about their bodies, they're just broadening the self-esteem gap. now us once-happy little size 8-ers are feeling pressure to remove ourselves from this category. instead of changing the way the media thinks about size (oh yeah, that'll be easy), we feel fat. we believe what they tell us. now we're plus size, and the only way to change that is to obsess about our bodies and get skinnier.

this is appalling, disheartening, and unbelievable.

12.24.2002

music that rocked this year
inspired by our new annual cd-making tradition...
JULIA'S FAVORITE ALBUMS OF 2002!!!
1. ed harcourt, "here be monsters"
hands down, the most solid album of the year. a wonderful beautiful melodic man that definitely fills the jeff buckley void. i'd move to shanghai with you!

2. pete yorn, "musicforthemorningafter"
i should specify that i mean the release that included the bonus disc. that DID come out this year!! pete's cover of "new york serenade" chills me. i saw pete twice this spring, including a <10 person recording.

3. beth orton, "daybreaker"
represent. beth orton has been a solid "favorite" for the past 5 years. daybreaker is by far her least depressing CD, which is nice. i love the presence of ryan adams, the recording fiend.

4. elbow, "asleep in the back"
one of the most amazing new bands in the universe! this CD is so beautiful, so pounding, so charged. it's one of those rare fluid CDs where you can never remember song titles or track numbers because they don't matter.

5. doves, "the last broadcast"
although we had downloaded a few doves songs early on in their fame, we hopped on the bandwagon pretty late. this CD is beautiful. i especially love #9 and #12. some of the songs are a little "alternative punkish trendy radio" for me, but i don't mind skipping them.

6. jason mraz, "jason mraz"
the live stuff. the first release. the toca sessions. this is the jason mraz that the san diego hotties know, and this is the jason mraz that we like. special favorites are the cat sex song and the rand mcnalley song... nowhere to be found on his real release...

7. coldplay, "a rush of blood to the head"
coldplay is probably the newbestbandintheworld. move over U2. move over DMB. erik and i are just thankful for 2000 or-wheverer-it-was when we were mere steps from the gang at the tiny little mayan theatre show in LA...

8. norah jones, "come away with me"
nobody makes those "omigod i want that song played at my wedding" songs anymore... except for the lovely norah. this is one of those CDs that, upon hearing for the first time, you quickly inventory all the people in your life that need to hear it. scott and sarah! shawna! my dad! my dad?!

9. andy stochansky, "five star motel"
i'm really pleased with my discovery here. andy has the voice of an angel. well, an angel that rocks. and he's canadian! a canadian angel! i can't wait to see this guy make it big.

10. dar williams, "out there live"
calm down, i know this didn't come out this year. but it came to me this year. dar performs barfoot and is a hemp advocate...need i say more. one of many concerts shared this year with scott and sarah, our new musical soulmates :-)

11. jennifer knapp, "the way i am"
yes, this is an odd list. my "top 11." but jennifer knapp, second to jewel, really got me playing guitar and writing songs. this CD has some jewels of it's own on there. i love "sing mary, sing." an amazing song that puts the whole birth of christ thing in a really cool perspective. jennifer knapp rocks out a little too much in concerts for my liking, but her CDs are a nice mellowed balance.

i know i'm forgetting some good stuff, but that's what the edit feature is for.
music is one of the most important things in my life.

12.21.2002

blogger and baby
day two of life. (not my kid, calm down)

12.20.2002

that's an affirmative
so affirmative action and i have a love-hate relationship
here's why... the dawn of lists on jde blog:

HATE: it essentially departs from a quest for equality.
LOVE: it provides opportunities for those struggling out of decades of oppression.
HATE: everyone thinks it's the same thing as "equal opportunity" employment tactics.
LOVE: it gives poor unfortunate students a chance at the life reserved for rich smart kids.
HATE: employers are bound to practice affirmative action tactics if they have government contracts or customers.
LOVE: that companies are rejecting government contracts or customers to follow their own "equal opportunity" practices.
HATE: it gives the white male something to complain about.
LOVE: it gives the white male something to complain about.

all-in-all, i don't want to get rid of affirmative action. i think it should be instituted earlier in the education system - at the primary level. but if schools weren't funded based on the surrounding property taxes, we wouldn't have problems with under- or over-funding of schools, and that's a whole other blogstory.

12.18.2002

brandishing martyrdom
yesterday, i was supposed to play guitar and sing carols at the downtown jail. i've done it two years in a row, and it's always really strange for me. i feel like the whole experience is negative for me. i backed out.

each time we go in there, i feel like i should have an apologetic look on my face. i feel like a smug, rich, happy white person, rubbing in the fact that my life is perfect. i fear that the inmates just think "oh, we're so glad we provided the happy smug perfect girl an opportunity to feel better about herself." when we get to the women's floor, they always sing along, but they always cry, too. they CRY! not out of sheer appreciation for beautiful music (haha), but because they can't handle this glimpse of what they have denied themselves. i felt like i really needed to evaluate why i participated each year before i continued. i just firmly believe it's more about trying to martyr ourselves.

friday night, we'll be playing at the juvenile hall. i have a different feeling about that one. i feel like i won't so much be rubbing in my perfect happy christmasy life to the kids. i feel like i'll be giving them hope, and providing them with the love that they won't have in their lives. that's supposed to be the schtick for the adult prison, too, but there's no hope. the kids have more of an opportunity to stop the cycle and improve themselves. i'll have to see. this will be my first time going to juvenile hall..my first experience outside of cheesy 80s movies.

right now, i'm pretty good about making donations not to feel good about myself but to actually make a difference. i just didn't feel like it was the case with the prison thing.

12.16.2002

welcome to the world, little one
today i met a brand new person. he is so precious. a beautiful string bean with his daddy's nose. i can't seem to remember a more magical moment than when i touched the palm of his tiny tiny hand with my contrastingly gigantic index finger and he clutched it in that way that babies clutch.

i used to think that we were drawn to babies and all-things-baby because we wanted some key member of the opposite sex to make some coy smile at us as we together envisioned our future in a little slide-show. ...the wedding will have a lemon cake and a swing band, and then we'll start trying to have babies and registering for baby stuff at target together... i know that has been the case for me.

but not now. seeing baby lucas today for the first time made me realize that there's no social implication or flirtation that can match the wonder of a brand new piece of life. a brand new human. hearing about the birth story (and watching mom and dad feed off of each other's excitement and finish each others' sentences!)... watching mom touch the baby's cheek... watching dad see the baby yawn, instinctively reach for the camera but stop as he just enjoyed his baby's developing personality with both eyes... helping put little mittens on the tiny hands (the mittens were too big, so they were outlawed)... it was all nothing short of miraculous. i started to envision luc as a 8 year old, or as a teenager. then it'd be normal. then it'd be understandable that this person was real. but today, a tiny, pink, wrinkly newborn just seemed beyond reality.

babies aren't just cute and dribbly and hiccupy and adorable. they're magnificent and full of wonder and awe.

12.10.2002

blog related twitching
i kid you not. on the plane this weekend, i actually wrote something on paper. friggin paper! i wrote it with the full intention of typing it up and posting it here.

right now, i'm sick as a dog, even though i've never seen a sick dog before.

12.02.2002

babies, weddings, and homeownership, oh my
seriously, it's happening. we're growing up. four or five sets of couples in our group own homes. everyone's getting married. yes, even myself. and now, there's going to be a baby. don't worry, not me. shawna, the amazingly gorgeous pregnant woman, is going to send forth a new ball of life on saturday, give or take 2 weeks.

as much as we're all (mostly shawna and her husband) afraid that this baby will change our dynamic and interfere with our usual community antics, i don't really forsee a noticeable change. well, except for the adorable little dribbler at whom we'll giggle and tickle and ooh-aah every once in a while. i think we'll just blend into all these new changes, but still have the same niches for those who haven't yet reached the major life-changing events, and who don't intend to anytime soon. i value this so much about my friends. i value that many of us are in such different walks of life. i cherish that while there are only a few who are walking along with me, everyone is holding my hand. i am so blessed to have this community that regardless of the changes, the departures, the arrivals, i will always have people who will hold the christ-light for me in the nighttime of my fear.