i checked my feet. they're actually hot and sweaty.
the other day, i found out a really good friend (in fact, one of my best friends) is most likely going to be marrying another really good friend. they're scoping out wedding dates and diamonds like good little future-fiances.

my first thought was total elation. they are very much so meant to be together. they're the kind of couple that you just love surrounding yourself with.

then came my second thought: "oh crap. what if i'm supposed to be with him?!?!?!"



in my perfect little world of marriage, i never thought you could ever say anything along the lines of "sure, i could see myself marrying someone else." but i'm saying that right now. does this make erik less of a soul mate? does this make us less meant to be together? not at all. not at all. if there were no other likely suitors out there, wouldn't marrying erik just be settling for the lowest common denominator? marriage is a choice. i choo-choo-choose erik.

i've released a little tension about this on my secret-haven-no-boys-allowed-bridal-message-board, and have been assured it's utterly normal. more normal, in fact, than i'm used to being. of course i don't want to marry this guy.
i want to marry erik.
i love erik with every ounce of my being. i want to spend the rest of my life with him. i'm going to. i'm the luckiest person in the world for having someone like erik to wake up to and kiss my nose and call me treacle and tell me i'm his most favoritest thing in the whole wide world and fold my laundry into a rainbow of panties. i get that for the rest of my life. sweet.

maybe i can picture being married to someone else. but the best part is this: the picture i see more clearly is erik and i growing old together, hanging out with our two married friends who we love surrounding ourselves with... staying up late and eating good food and drinking good cheap wine and playing tipsy games of simpsons trivia.