Bullets of Defect.

Bullets of Defect.

This afternoon, in the Animal Rights Thrift Store (no, I'm serious), I picked up an old-looking hardback copy of Marcel Proust's Remembrance Of Things Past, Volume I. It was a buck, and Proust is one of those authors that I feel I'm supposed to know. I also liked the pretty cloth-bound cover and the fact that it has the old translation title. Tonight, I looked inside, and the first page peers up at me and sheepishly announces that it is not Volume I. It is, in fact, Volume III. It's not like I wouldn't have bought the cheap book had I known from the get go that it wouldn't get me started from the beginning of the Remembrance Of Things Past/In Search Of Lost Time series, but I still felt a little cheated. Then I thought that it was kind of neat.

THEN, I started thumbing through the pages and quickly found the pages saying "Swan" something or other which is, I'm pretty sure, something from Volume I. I worked backwards towards the start and eventually found that up until page 18, I do have Volume III. Then, page 18 starts up with page 18 of Volume I. Awesome. Stop looking at me, SWAN.

If anyone would like to tell me what happens in the first 18 pages of Volume I, I'll buy you a latte.

Speaking of defects, temperature charting and an indisputable internet message board diagnosis show that I have what they call "luteal phase defect." Hah. Go on, google it. If your luteal phase (the time between ovulation and the start of your next cycle) is less than 10 or 11 days, it's considered defective. Mine is 6-7. A short LP does not provide enough lutenizing hormone or progesterone to create a happy home for implantation of a fertilized egg. Blah blah blah, I can't get pregnant like this. Some sources use the word "impossible." However, this is super common and easily fixable with a range of things from red raspberry leaf tea to super vitamin B6 doses to prescription medications like Clomid. Unfortunately, we had just gotten ourselves used to the idea that we would go to no "great lengths" to grow biological offspring, and now here we have known solutions waiting for us to use. Drugs and medicine, as a general rule, make me feel un-okay. We're not going to draw the X="great lengths" line yet, but at this point, I just can't envision myself taking meds for this. I'm going to try the slightly more holistic approach first to see if my temperature charts display a lengthened luteal phase this month. Hey baby, nice luteum.

The only red raspberry leaf tea they had at Henry's/Wild Oats was called "Pregnancy Tea." I clenched my teeth together and avoided eye contact with the checker as she rang me up, knowing that if she saw the tea and said something like, "oooh, congratulations," I would die a little on the inside.

Today I'm going to meet my old coworkers for lunch for Craig's birthday, and there'll be newer friends there, i.e., hiking and distance running Brian and the Other Tech Writer. I know I dug my own grave and all, but feeling replaced and/or replaceable is one of my spiritual gifts. I'm very good at it.

I promise a defect-free post within 24 hours.