making peace with food
that's a big task. you can think of it in terms of being able to happily eat, without worrying about how you carry all your weight in your stomach or just having that guilty feeling at all. you can think of it in terms of eating as an event, as almost a ministry, instead of just filling your tummy and satiating your hunger - the preparation, the eating, the cleaning... it's all done as a family or with friends, and it's fun.

but there's more to that. the body is a temple. you're going to be wary of what you put in my mouth. that's very easy to do, and it's an easy feeling to have. like the way you feel poisoned after drinking soda, until you drink enough water so you pee clear again (okay, that's kind of neurotic). like knowing that you'll be a happier temple if you're eating spinach and tofu instead of a greasy hamburger. no brainer.

you are also wary of how you treat the earth which yields its fruits to you.

okay, we'll stop saying "you" now. this is all julia.

i have this growing connection with the soil. the earth. my home.
when i was 12 years old, my family and i went to england for our first trip back since moving here. we'd had a year of american culture and media. at my friend's house, i opened up a magazine to a random page, and saw a PETA ad, or whatever the british equivalent is. it was some gruesome picture of the treatmeant of pigs in meat farms. there were several vivid ads like this throughout the magazine, which was directed at young people or gossipy women. can you imagine what would happen if People magazine had some graphic picture of about-to-get-slaughtered pigs?

anyway, it was enough for me. i swore off eating poor little animals. for the next however many years, i was a Vegetarian and Liberal and Proud. i wore shirts that said "Against Animal Testing" without really understanding what it meant. (although senior year in high school, i whipped it out again, along with a "Cats Against Animal Experimentation" shirt to wear while my zoology class dissected fetal cats) and my vegetarianism, as passionate as it was, consisted of eating around whatever meat my disgruntled parents made for dinner, and absorbing complaints from my mother that i wasn't eating well enough. around my junior year of high school, when i was trying really hard to be a better cross-country runner but still sucking, we realized i had an icky case of anemia and all around malnutrition. the Disgruntled Parents got their way, and i let chicken and tuna back in my diet. (of course, i still sucked at running).

after college, i revisited my convictions. i realized that, rather than being passionate and trying-to-be-a-cool-hippie, there were no reasons for me to continue eating meat, or any animal products for which you have to kill.

i realized that what i consume, what i spend my dollars on, is my strongest vote. this led to an over-awareness in what was going into the food that went into my body. what sort of labor practices? do they use pesticides? are they owned by some corporate scum? thus began my organic regime. i pay a little more, of course. but eventually, i'll be settled in the new house and able to cook more for myself. this will be great - i'll be spending way less than eating out, and i'll be in control of what goes into the food.

i still drink coffee. i still eat weird complex-ingredient genisoy bars. but i'm taking steps. i'm transforming. this is the way i make peace with my food. i find it peaceful, i try to connect myself to it's creation, and i make everything i consume be a miniature, daily protest.