the first love, part IV of the continuing "prose manifestations of past loves" series
(read part I, part II, and/or part III.)
today we're going to learn all about nick, my second real boyfriend ever and my first "real," mature love.
haha, yeah, i'm not sold on the mature part, either.

we met at the always news-worthy "thong check high." we were in band and track together. ah, the blossoming romance of band geeks. i liked to think of it as a track star romance, but no. we were bandos first, track stars second. and then again, he was the only track star... i could only squeeze out a six minute mile and a 14 minute two mile.

as friends, nick was pretty much an asshole to me, but in an endearing way. he was really smart and great with kids. however, he wasn't so great with adults, and i was usually embarassed to be with him.
he was bow-legged. it was unbelievably sexy. and even though i constantly denied it, he looked like kevin bacon. so much so that our friends would make him say kevin bacon movie quotes all the time.

i'd cite two landmark events in the development of our relationship: the band hawaii trip april of our junior year (nick put that hideous green aloe gel on my vicious sunburn and stuck up for my adorable toes when someone made fun of them), and prom night of our junior year (yeah, we didn't go. he didn't ask. but instead, he and i went bowling and ate taco bell takeout in his big white pontiac).

eventually, pretty much right around finals that year, we started officially dating. holding hands around school. doing each other's homework. avoiding our parents. making out in the back of our cars in a retired-people's neighborhood. you know, the usual.

we did everything together - it was unbelievable. we didn't share faith, though. to explain to me his (lack of) faith, he said: "i don't know, some people need god. i just don't need god in my life right now." oh, and rather than saying "julia is away this weekend on a church retreat," he'd say "julia's off fucking other christians."

intrinsically, senior year of high school is a pretty intense time to be in a relationship.
when i was rejected to UCLA (bastards!) and he was accepted, something clicked. our band director said he could easily get me into their music program for winter quarter, i just needed to give him the go ahead. i thought to myself, a) i can't be a music major! too much pressure! what if i suck! i'll never make money! and b) there's some reason i wasn't accepted to UCLA. some reason that i might not understand or appreciate. so i sucked it up and went to UCSD.

nick and i stayed together our freshman year of college. it was actually a pretty cool gig. i perfected my tortured romantic letter-writing skills. we'd fall asleep talking to each other on the phone. i became fast best friends with my future roommate, julia, who's boyfriend also had abandoned her for the UCLA music program. (yeah yeah, the coincidences were pretty eerie). i put some serious san diego-los angeles miles on my champagne beige 1987 ford escort station wagon.

eventually, i just fell out of love with him.
throughout the school year, i'd see him every two weeks or so, for a weekend. by the end of those weekends, i was ready to get away. i didn't really notice this until the summer, when he moved back to san diego. i'd get sick of him. aye, there's the rub of long-distance relationships, i'd say.

in july of 1997, i broke up with him. i had just travelled to philladelphia for a church convention (yes, off fucking christians again), and realized that at this point in my life, it was important, no critical that: a) i was in love with the person i was sleeping with, and b) i was either in a relationship with someone who would support my faith, or not in a relationship at all.
this was all simple and understandable to me, however, try explaining that to a 19 year old boyfriend of two years. good times.

despite the sad way it all ended, nick and i had a great time together. i didn't really understand love until he came into my life. i didn't know that i could give so much of myself to another person but not feel empty.