the ash wednesday quandary
as many of you may have noticed, lots of catholics and anglo-catholic types were walking around with ashy smudges on their foreheads yesterday.

i'm a wiper. i wipe it off right away.

lent is about stripping the layers of hypocrisy, and bringing the raw you closer to god. lent is all about not boasting. the gospel reading for ash wednesday is that one whole passage about not disfiguring your face while fasting to let others see your sacrifice, when you give to the needy ("give alms"), don't let even your left hand know what you're doing with your right hand. it's all about the human pride in suffering. boasting.

this sort of humbling, honest theme is all over the place in the ash wednesday liturgy - including the intense "litany of penance," (about halfway down the page, two or so pages long), with which we normally confession-phobic episocopalians start each eucharistic service during lent. i can't leave that ash wednesday service and walk around town showing off my ashy forehead. some people disagree, saying it's an evangelism tool - it's a way of letting people know you're a christian. but i'd be too proud of my mark of penance. i'd be displaying for my left hand and everyone around me that my right hand was doing something good. look at me! i just went to church! and confessed my sins! and kneeled for like 50% of the service! and had some leek-n-tatie (read:potato) soup! i'd be a hypocrite. i'd be separating myself from lent, from god.

similarly, i try not to draw attention to personal sacrifices, things "given up" for lent. i don't even tell people what changes i'm making for lent, unless someone specifically asks. moaning and complaining about the fact that i had to do or not do a specific thing "for lent," is disfiguring my fasting face.

lent is, surprisingly, one of my favorite parts of the church year. i don't even understand this myself. most of my favorite hymns and churchy songs have the lenten no-no "alleluia" word in them. our church looks ugly and bare with no artsy banners and all that purple everywhere. we have to start each worship service kneeling and talking about sin, using specifics and shit. it's sort of responsible for inflicting oppressive and inhibitive doctrines on historical christians. etc.

but still, i'm so drawn to the idea of stripping the fancy fluff that we tend to lean upon to be with and learn about god. lent is raw, self-examining, and all about forgiveness. i'm a fan of that.

also, i typed this with both hands, so my pesky left hand pretty much already knows what's going on.