get by with a little help...
i've recently had to come to terms with one of the most difficult things for someone as insecure as me: my closest friends, all really close to each other, would do just fine without me.

don't get me wrong, these friends are AMAZING, more than i could ever have hoped for in my wildest friend-y dreams, and love me as much as i love them. that's not in question here.

for a year or two in high school, i had a fabulous friendship with two girls, amy and kathleen. we were tight. i attributed my bitterness and unhappiness to me just being a lousy person by nature, which of course didn't improve the bitterness and unhappiness at all. looking back, i realize i was plagued by insecurity. my earliest memories involve insecurity, carrying a heavy fear of disappointing people, of them not thinking of me as perfect. with amy and kathleen, maybe i was hoping for a subtle signal - one of them would do something to suggest that they couldn't survive without my friendship - that i was completely indisposable to them. instead, i realized that they'd be okay without me. in fact, they were much better friends with each other than with me.

i'm an adult now. and i haven't changed a bit.