How To Not Dress Like A Vegetarian

How To Not Dress Like A Vegetarian
Really, I promise everyone is happy you're vegetarian - you don't need to wear it on your sleeve. And here is a simple guide to ensure this doesn't happen.

Accessories
Any strict vegetarian knows how difficult it is to find swanky shoes and accessories that aren't made from cow. But you're just going to have to try harder. We'll break this down into three main groups: Purses, Shoes, and Belts.

Purses:

Don't settle for anything made from hemp, or anything that looks like it's made from hemp. And the current flock of corduroy cargo purses at Old Navy, while ridiculously cute, don't count. Would you wear corduroy cargo pants to work? Well, maybe you can get away with it. But if not, the purse won't fly. Go out of your way to find quality faux leather or a nice sleek fabric finish.

Another rule of thumb for purses: the smaller the better. Only hippies and mothers carry big purses. A friend of mine hypothesized recently that there is an important distinction between good looking women who drive old convertible VWs and frumpy women who drive old convertible VWs: purse size.

Shoes:

Again, it's also really difficult to come by classy, fabulous shoes that aren't made of leather. But do it anyway.

An excellent resource for shoes is Payless. Basically, they're too cheap to make leather shoes anyway, so most shoes in the store are fake. And, to make things even better, they go out of their way to draw your attention to the few leather shoes by plastering the boxes with "GENIUNE LEATHER" tags, so they're easy to avoid. You could probably get away without even hunting for the materials list. Zappos actually has a "vegetarian shoes" category.

One of the best-but-seldom-realized things about being vegetarian is that your shoes are cheap. Embrace this, and try to build a collection of nothing but beautiful shoes.

Flip-flops do not count, as hard as you may argue that they're classy and fabulous.

As a side note, New Balance makes a good crop of leather-less running shoes. But don't wear them unless you're running or hiking.

Belts:

Lucky us, fabric belts are back, stronger than ever. Definitely take advantage of this. Ridiculous colors and stripes on the canvas belts look too military, but for the most part you can include these as a delightfully ironic part of an otherwise classic and plain outfit.

Sash belts are fair game for now, too. They're becoming a little too common, though, and you don't want to be in a meeting with three other sash-belted women, do you?

There are also faux leather belts to be found. Speciality vegan stores, like All Vegan in San Diego, generally carry a good collection. If you can find one that doesn't use child labor, you could probably get a good faux leather belt from your standard beach-town no-name boutique, too.

Miscellaneous Clothing
Not considering shoes, purses, and belts, it's actually really easy to dress well as a vegetarian. But there are still some important things to remember to save you from looking like you smell like sandalwood.

As tempting as they may be, save the "Vegetarians Taste Better" and "Seitan Worshipper" t-shirts for the monthly potlucks at the co-op.

Leather jackets try really hard to come back in fashion every year, but I don't think they're ever very universal. Unless you're in a motorcycle club, you can easily go without and not feel deprived. And for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT GET A FAUX LEATHER JACKET. There are some lines you just don't cross. Wool coats (for the wool-wearers) and cotton/canvas pea coats or jackets are far classier and smell way better.

Chances are, if they sell it at earth day festivals or street fairs, it's not going to work out, okay? This includes but is not limited to: tie-dye, any sort of long flowy patterned skirt, and hankerchief tie-back tank tops.

And finally, if Banana Republic decides to ice the most amazing skirt of their collection with a leather trim or tie, it's time to start writing letters.