oh, the things i think about in the office bathroom...
Dear Corporate Sanitary Products Supplier,

Don't think I can't see through your evil schemes. Don't think I don't know about the planned obsolescence-type tricks you're pulling. And don't think I don't know that you actually market that stuff to your customers. Namely, my employer. You convince them that all your newfangled products will reduce employee usage and save them money.

And don't think I'll buy any greenwashed excuses you throw at me. Sure, you might care about conserving the environment, but my employer certainly doesn't. And it's their money you want.

I can just picture your marketing material - brochures that you hope never leave the desks of corporate purchasers...

"Our toilet paper rolls stop rolling after only 2 squares! It's our stingiest dispenser yet! Guaranteed to reduce employee usage! Guaranteed to save you money! Oh yeah, and guaranteed to save trees, too."

"Our seat covers are perforated across the grain of the paper, not along the grain. This means they'll be far too frustrating for your employees to use regularly! Guaranteed to reduce employee usage! Guaranteed to save you money!"

"Our air-blower hand dryers are so ineffective that your employees will either bring their own towels, or just dry their hands on their pants. Guaranteed to reduce employee usage! Guaranteed to save you money on your electricity bill!"

"Our overall Office Bathroom Package will eventually encourage employees to use your facilities less, which could save you money on cleaning. Your employees may even reduce water-intake throughout the day to avoid using our products - guaranteed to save you money on drinking water!"

I can see right through you, FYI. And I'm still using the seat covers, frustrating perforations and all.

Sincerely,
An OCD Office Restroom User